Moving On…

A couple weeks back, my father passed away.

I watched him breathe his last as I grasped his hands…

Trying to comfort him during his last moments on earth.

And it’ll be the most defining day in my life as a son, a man, and an individual.

Our home was bustling with people who had come to show their condolences.

Friends, relatives, and everyone else who came.

When someone talked to me, nine out of ten times it was about ‘moving on’.

But contrary to what we’ve been taught, is ‘moving on’ the real answer?

A breakup, you ‘move on’.

Death of a loved one, you ‘move on’.

As much as I’m sure of the good intentions of the phrase, it had me doubting.

Maybe the way I grieve is different.

But I think ‘moving on’ is cowardice.

And that’s not a good way to go about grieving.

What’s better (personal experience) is staying on the grief.

Observing it.

Experiencing it fully.

Letting it seep through you and pass over.

There’s dignity in it.

Grief could be the highest form of eulogy that the dead deserve.

That doesn’t mean you have to stop living either.

In fact, I was laughing around the very next day as my friends and relatives had happy memories to share about my old man.

And by day three, when my relatives were beginning to leave, I was already back to working. As far as I could remember, I have no memory of my dad missing work with an excuse during his years of service over three decades at the bank. So it made sense.

Also, my father was a very reserved man.

You could say even taciturn.

So, I was surprised every time someone came forward and told me something new about him that I might’ve never known.

And it reminds me how our loved ones will continue to ‘live’ if we continue to tell, share, and cherish their stories with the living.

The things he did and did not talk about.

The people he helped and not talked about.

Of course, there were some sorrowful regrets too.

But life’s that way.

It’s non-linear. Ziggity-zaggity. Messy. Imperfect.

However, I’m sure he’s in a good place now, wherever he is.

And probably frowning on me for staying up late and writing this instead of sleeping.

I enjoyed him being around. Now it’s time to enjoy how I’m going to miss him being around.

Because only when we accept death to be a natural part of life and not an all-ending event- will we really gain what it takes to ‘move on’ with peace rather than getting stifled by pent-up emotions.

Because life expects us to take on the things it brings to us with grace.

And that, we shall do.

PS.

A year back, I gifted myself a steel bracelet that says ‘Sibi, Memento Mori’. Many have asked me what it means. I usually change the topic since they may find the subject too appalling. I usually ask them to google it. But the philosophy behind that phrase has truly helped me in the most challenging of times as it does even now. Maybe, you should google it and see for yourself?